Most people don’t know where they were before this life. I do.

I was sent to Earth to live in exile for a lifetime or two, or three, or a few thousand. It depends if I behave myself.

God created me as a prototype. He didn’t like the results. He never built another one of me. Yet, he allowed me to continue to exist.

My first existence was on a planet I like to call Alabist. Within a few years, I had taken over the entire planet by sheer willpower alone. As the child dictator of Alabist, I ruled over the 17 trillion citizens with ease. None of the Alabistians had my spiritual prowess. I transmuted the spiritual energy of the planet into abilities that allowed me to rule over them as a god. God didn’t like that.

Next, God sent me to a planet where my connectedness to the Source of life wouldn’t be as strong. I call it Osirion. Osirion was a little more spiritually advanced, but still, none of them could compete with my ability to harness Chi and transform it into any other type of energy. Once again, I ruled over the Osirionese like a god.

God sat me down after that life and said my existence was now meant to help others learn, not to rule over them. This time, he said, I would be sent to a planet so spiritually devolved that my prowess would have no effect. People wouldn’t be able to sense what I was doing.

Ergo, God exiled me to Earth.

I remember my first lifetime here like it was yesterday. I took God’s advice to heart and tried to help people with my knowledge. I was known as Lao Tzu. It’s been fun to watch my own wisdom trickle down through the ages. Most of the good stuff remains.

Then, for reasons I still don’t understand, God incarnated as Jesus. He told me that it wasn’t the first time he incarnated on Earth, but he wanted it to be the last, so he made sure to make a bigger deal out of it than previous incarnations. Apparently he had been building up to it through prophets for a thousand years or something. I joined him as a disciple, history remembers me as Matthew. I helped him make an impact by writing down most of what he said.

As I spent the rest of my life spreading the Gospel of Jesus, I thought for sure I was golden to return to the stars and live on more spiritually evolved planets where I could flex my prowess.

Alas, I’m still here. Lifetime after lifetime, I’m reincarnated on Earth. Every time I die, I ask God if I can return to Osirion, or Alabist, or another planet where I can spread my spiritual wings. I tell him that I’ve learned my lesson and that I’m ready. Every time, He says, “You are needed on Earth.”

So, I remain.

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